Requiem of a happy ending

I do not know if happy endings exist. I know of redemption. I know that forgiveness exists. Passion and excitement and commitment, I haven't seen in a long time. I wonder if they aren't just make believe, like my fantasies of love, and tenderness, and family. I only know of routine, fuck ups, day to day chores, endless to-do lists, stress, and half-ass attempts. Of taking others for granted, of getting comfortable, of not listening with the ears or heart.
Redemption. Redeeming. Redeemer. Difficult choices, even more difficult solutions. Endless pain.
What did I want? Now I can almost tell you for certain what I wanted now that what I had is a memory.
I wanted a man. One who works hard and sacrifices much for his love. He counts his blessings every day and when it comes to me, he counts me as two. He supports me more than financially. He protects me; I feel his every move is to build a hedge around our family, lest any person or force come to steal our dreams or joy. He is the lighthouse guiding our family and the guard at the gates of the city. He watches us. He fights the world on our behalf, and when my soldier comes home weary, I rub his head and refresh him. My heartbeat rebuilds his strength and he only finds comfort on my breast. I stay home and work hard to maintain the house that he has built. Our roles are different but we respect each other and realize that we could not do it without the other. We each are needed. And we all realize that. And we appreciate that. We see the future, and when your eyes are blinded by the sun, I look for the both of us. We carry each other during our times of weakness. We celebrate the successes of each other. We make it easy for each other to win. You bring me special surprises for no reason. You relish any opportunity to show me your love. You look me in the eyes when you talk to me. You confide your deepest fears to me. You tell me what you are afraid to tell yourself. I don't have any judgement for you. Only shelter and a safe place to release. You touch me like your soul needs it. Like its your mind that is hungry. You kiss me like you want to taste my soul. You love me with your soul not your body. You think about me as much as I think about you. You show me. You tell me. You surprise me when I am not around.
I wish I had that. I wish I was your world. The world where a man loves a woman.